Last Friday, something unexpected happend to me. After a pretty frustrating week, I was heading to the bus for my way home to my parents. Usually I would switch on my laptop and start working the next two hours until my destination. I had it in my bag, together with some papers and stuff, I was not able to finish up this Friday afternoon.
So usually, I would start doing at least something for work, just to calm my always busy mind. But this time I didn't. Suddenly there was a sentence in my head. "Why bother? You deserve to rest."
This was new. First I did not really care, reading something not work related and it felt good.
Weekends at my parent's are often challenging. Since my dad had been diagnosed with dementia, his character changed a lot and he is not the same person I have known for my whole life. It is hard to accept, that you have to react differently, because in the world of dementia, rational is often missing.
Usually there would be a certain frequency of tension, but not this time. Arriving felt already different. My thoughts were calm, I felt relaxed and easy. And it was an amazing enjoyable evening with the both of them, which we had not for quite a long time.
This was the moment were my ego started wondering. What was happening here? I felt very intensely, that something had changed significantly and I knew it was me. I just didn't believe it.
The next morning after a very good night sleep, the next surprise was waiting for me. Our sweet family dog Gino has a habit. After his morning stroll he comes to my room and rests with me until I wake up. And sometimes he is nosy and examines my stuff. This time he found my favorite wollen cap with a nice bobble. And as he really, really likes bobbles and balls and everything, which looks like a ball, he completely chewed off the bobble and left the pieces on the floor.
So again usually, I would have maybe a little tamper tantrum, when things I love are destroyed or break. But this time I was just wondering! I discovered the mess, looked at Gino and was just a little sad. He knew instantly, that it was his fault and he did something wrong. He is really addicted to balls and he gets one from me every time I visit him!. So the cap was not destroyed with bad intention.
I hugged him and said: "no problem buddy, I will fix it!".
And now it was on! "What the heck is wrong with you!" I heard my ego scream. "This is not our usual behavior!" And it was totally right! This was not my usual behavior. This wasn't "me". All the stress, the anger, the tension, the rage - gone! I was feeling something new inside me. Something really tender and fresh, like new greens just coming out of mother earth. Yes, there had been a shift taken place and I know I have to protect it.
And I kept feeling it, the whole weekend and on my way back in a fully packed train (a lot of people normally freak me out, especially when they keep talking all the time). But now something was different. Something was more kind, more tender, more loving. And I kept asking myself what this means. My first and best explanation so far is, that all my work I did in the last 12 months, manifesting a new reality, all the asking, the tapping, the meditations and healing, must have revealed something new. A new frequency, an new inner perspective. All that happend since my soul decided, that I deserve to be treated well, I deserve to be kind to myself, I deserve to love myself, just like I am.
With this decision, everything what happend unfolded in a totally different, magical way. My frequency had shifted and my heart had opened up. Being in loving presence was suddenly easy and a new normal. It was really me! It was my new frequency, influencing all those situations and beings. It was really magical, because I saw it happening right before my eyes, felt the emotions, had the experience and was observing it at the same time!
I am still thinking about it, but now I know how it feels when something inside is shifting. And I am convinced that all the work with my great teachers and my tribe was so incredibly precious and worth it. So if you are working on yourself or if you are going through something, just keep showing up and keep on working. Things can change unexpectedly - today, tomorrow - every single ordinary day.
