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  • fireheartspirit

It's a big deal - really...



So today is my 50th birthday. Half a century of living. Stories, experiences, tragedy and joy. I honor my body today. I did a little math. If my heart did beat 90 times per minute on average, it did beat 26.298.000 times until now.

And people say your cells change every 7 years. So I have changed myself 7x7 at least.

And when I look back I have lived several lives. My most powerful birthday was at 30. I have lived the 70ties as a child. I have been a teenager in the incredible 80ties and I have been a young adult in the amazing 90ties.

So far my life has been pretty exciting to be honest. I had a successful career and satisfying relationships. I did earn a lot of money and lost it in my Sade sati like almost everything I had been used to. This was the most difficult and heartfelt times of my life.

So I am looking back to all the treasures and gifts I have received, the joys and the hardships.

Many years and my stories, many lives. You only life twice - one life for yourself and one life for your dreams....Well - I want to bring my dreams into reality. Until my very last breath I will work on that.

All of you, who have followed my work and development may still walk with me and have recognized the changes. When we all started into this new millennium, we had been so excited and full of hope that this would change really everything! The internet, the iPhone, it was the end of darkness and the beginning of a totally new area of technology and science - and spirituality.

And it was. It developed so fast and so enormous, no-one of us could have imagined that. I grew up in a world that had been covered with snow in early November and experienced first signs of spring in February. When I started my professional life, I had no computer and no email - and of course no internet. Uhaaa and no mobile phone!

I thought ok...who wants to talk to me anyways when I am not at home? I bought my first Ericson in 2000. Unwillingly, because I thought it was just a ridiculous gadget :-)

Yeah, I have now a smart phone which is 3 times bigger than my first mobile.

Means I am willing to follow the possibilities, but I would never beg down to what ever is presented to me. I will forever first ask myself: does this make sense to me. And then watch out.

And I celebrate my resilience today. I started in this life with a life threatening infection and I survived. After 50 years I am still here. And I have fought many fights. Against me and others. I did overcome so many obstacles. I did overcome so many fears and hardships.

And I am still here.

In this very moment.

I am a warrior.

For my own existence.

I know this incarnation will not last forever, but my mind will. My soul will.

This is a year of transition and I will come out very different than before.

Life is a journey. Life is a lesson. I take all of it.

I have learned to surrender the process. More or less.

I have gathered wisdom and experience.

I have found love and lost it.

I have gone through darkness and light.

I have given up and risen like a Phoenix.

And this is it all about. Take all what you are given. This is the land, they call life.


"Behind things" Rainer Maria Rilke

God speaks to each of us as he makes us, then walks with us silently out into the night.

But those words, we begin with are:

You, sent out beyond your recall, go to the limits of your longing. Embody me.

Behind the things, flare up like flame so their shadows will cover me entirely.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. You just have to go. No feeling is unknown. Don’t let yourself lose me.

Near is the land, they call life. You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.


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